A Case of the Herky-jerkies

First drafts are often marred by repetitive, halting sentences. That’s why they’re first drafts. Give your work a close read to iron out redundancies and poor rhythm. For example:

BUMPY: After applicants pass the exam, they can enroll in an Arizona State program, a pilot program established in Tucson called Tucson Achievers.
SMOOTH:
After applicants pass the exam, they can enroll in an Arizona State pilot program called Tucson Achievers.

When I edited the sentence, I did away with the repeated words, thereby improving the flow. Notice how the edited sentence rolls along easily, as opposed to the herky-jerky rhythm of the original.

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Comments
4 Responses to “A Case of the Herky-jerkies”
  1. Katie says:

    I love you. I wish you still lived here so you could host a Lunch in Learn at my office.

  2. Pat says:

    I ordered a case of the Herky jerkies (assorted) from Herky’s Dried Meat Emporium a month ago. I’m still waiting for its delivery. Please advise.

  3. frey says:

    i’m glad to see you are policing this because prose quality is declining these days.

    one item to note (in the spirit of brevity): “did away with” could have been “eliminated”.

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